Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
what day is it and did you see me today?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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