Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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