hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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