Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
