eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
