Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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