the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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