dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
