I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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