You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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