worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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