So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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