I molested 6 butterflies tonight
now i know why i became what i already was.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
