Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
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he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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