Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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