Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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