You're so nebulous sometimes
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
