i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
