I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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