oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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