youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
