You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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