carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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