I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize