we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
