yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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