the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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