I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i would punch a child for taco bell
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
