I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
