I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
