I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
she pinky promised me she was 18
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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