Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
