Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
