People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
