apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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