The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
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Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
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Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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