I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
