I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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