I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
