Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
