Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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