He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
