My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
