Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
