Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My bed smells like the plague
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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