how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
he just fucked me for my cheese..
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
