What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
