The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
