Are we in a gay sports bar?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
