hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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