1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
