And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
