So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
