I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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