WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
