yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
